Number 19 - ONE STEP BACK , TWO STEPS FORWARD

So I didn't know what to call this one. I just wanted to write down what I'm going through and call it day. But guess what I can't just call it a day- but I can most definitely reflect on this week.

Hands down my week hasn't been great, but I also feel like I've taken a step forward right direction.

Limits
This week has taught me my limits but also to try and test them. Its taught me the reason why I need to look after myself and not let everything plummet around me. Its taught me to say NO I can't let this happen- which for a stubborn young lady is a MASSIVE STEP. My anxiety has run me around in circles this week. Baring in mind I had my worse seizure Monday at work, got into work on Tuesday but felt no better.. but I tried. I got ready and I tried.

Boyfriend
He's is honestly my rock whether I'm sitting up in bed laughing with him, or laying on the bathroom floor crying. He just helps. He's up in the middle of the night with me if I have a seizure to convince me everythings ok. That's what I need. He's what I need.

Support of Friends and Family
This week has also taught me the strength that my friends and family give me. I received a lovely text message from one of my best friends which put a smile on my face. I'm not one to spill my feelings , I'd rather listen and help others. But shes proud of me. I love her for that.My other best friend is one message away and reassures any doubts that may come. My family well there brilliant anyway. Mums there to help me be strong and my Dads there for that reassuring hug to let me know I'll be OK. He's not one with words. But I knew that's what the hug meant. Shaun's family are great as well, checking up on me. I feel the strength that they all give me everyday. That's what helps me get up off the floor. 

Admitting when I need help
This is a big one for me, I struggle asking for help. Or asking to just let my feelings out. I just need to be the strong one. But sometimes admitting that I'm not strong and I need the help is all I can do. I usually feel the doctors are a waste of time, but I had to go. I needed help. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Now.. I know what to call this post. ONE STEP BACK TWO STEPS FORWARD.

I just hope that this post may help someone , or relate to someone in similar circumstance.

Your strong, I'm Strong.

TAKE CARES,
SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Number 18 - It happened... again

Usually with my epilepsy I like to keep it in and not talk about it. But I suppose this may be a weight lifted off my shoulders.

So in 2014 I was diagnosed with Partial Epileptic Seizures. The type of seizures you zone out of everyday life, or most of the time have little seizures in my sleep. 

I originally went into the doctors with a suspected heart murmur. I was experiencing the feeling of my heart feeling like it was going to fast or gonna jump out of my chest. I had a doctors appointment, which I very nearly missed. One moment it was 3:30 next moment it was 4:30 and I didn't know where the time had gone. 

I had a specialist come specifically to the doctors to meet me so I'm lucky because I was so late he was able to see me. I phoned my mum in a panic as she was already at the doctors waiting.

At the time it seemed as if I had a panic attack- I never ever had one of them. 

We were all just talking and mum was explaining the doctor about times that I used to zone out , or I smelt burning, or my night terrors when I was younger.

I was then referred to a neurologist. After EEG's and MRI's I was diagnosed. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt finding out. I was learning to drive at the time , I also felt alone. I tried different medications and was told and Stress may be the cause of it all. 

Fast forward 2 years and I was having ups and downs. Some weeks/months I was skipping round fine, some days I found my self on the floor in the toilets at work after 'zoning out'.

I reduced days at work, and gave up college. But recently it flared up  again... (is that the right word)

I now have experienced full body seizures, where my body gives way and I fall the the ground and apparently convulse. I wake up confused. So I'm now waiting for a urgent neurologist appointment.

I feel epilepsy is such a closeted thing. I found I had no one to talk to about it at my age group. So hopefully writing this will give young adults a place they can come to relate to. No I'm not a QUEEN of bossing my seizures at the moment. But I am experiencing them. I'm fighting. 

So here's to keep you updated on my situation and I will write more posts about my journey in the future.

Keep Slaying,
Take Care,
SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Number 17- Lets jump into Autumn, keeping the stress away

I think Autumn is my fave season, I love the crisp fresh air in the morning, the crunch of leaves belief your feet and the fact I can get away with wearing dark lippy.

All my motivation starts in Autumn after summer where you drink and eat and its too hot to do any activity, October comes and I love going for walks wrapped up in my big scarf. 

On these walks I like to evaluate my week or my life. I think of how I felt that week and if I was down how to pick myself up again. Giving me motivation to keep going and not fail. Walks allow me to exercise any stress or anxiety I feel about certain situations. I.e work, epilepsy, relationships.

It also gets me out the house, sometimes I rarely leave the house. I work three days a week, so thats four days of each week I have to gain motivation to leave the house and not mope about all day. Its hard, but I do it.

Autumn also feels like the end of something and a beginning of a new part of life. Its where nature takes its course , ridding itself of the dead , useless leaves and soon to grow into something marvelous and beautiful. 

Halloweens soon , then bonfire night & Christmas. I love all three things, it brings friends and family together. The unity you need to stay strong and keeping pursuing your dreams.

What does Autumn mean to you?

TAKE CARE,

SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Number 16- Whats in my bag Autumn 2016 TAG

So if your like me , I love to watch/read whats going on in everyones handbags. Maybe I'm just nosey?

The Bag

My bags from New look it was gifted to me for my birthday and I love it. It's quite small in comparison to my other bags but I love the look of it. Its faux leather and a similar style to the 'celine' bags.

I love the gold hardware and subtle nude shade which isn't too pink and isn't too brown which allows me to wear it with pretty much anything. 

Inside

Inside the bag I keep my purse, sunglasses, phone, keys, lady necessities and a 'emergency kit' bag.

My purse is from river island and is just a practical purse, it matches the bag with the gold hardware. Tbh I thought keeping a light purse clean would be difficult , but the faux leather allows me to just to wipe down any mess with a bog standard baby wipe..

The sunglasses are just some cheap ones due to me losing my prescription ones so until I find some new ones these are just easy to chuck in.

I then just carry my phone (iphone 5s- which is on its last legs) my keys (The fluffy keyring is from 'peacocks'. Then my 'always' tin with some pads in. 

Finally I have my emergency kit bags. I love having this in my bag incase I need back up off anything.

The bags from a little gift shop from Greece. Inside this I have my Palmer lip balm, chewing gum, rapid bond nail fix glue, Rimmel London Apocalips Lip Lacquer by rimmel in the shade Apocoliptic, My epilepsy medication, a spare pen, sanctuary spa hand cream, my 'Twist and Spritz Rose Gold Atomiser' with my Olympia perfume in it and a marker pen which I use for work.

All in all theres the contents in my bag- well when its not cluttered with reciepts and empty breakfast bar packets.

One last thing- does any one else boyf/hubby/girlf/partner use your bag to carry there stuff too? Its drives me INSANE.

I wanna know whats in your handbag too so let me know!

TAKE CARE,

SIMPLYKATSINELLA

P.S I tag Nat from beautyboxobsessed.wordpress.com & Chelsey from chelseyprentice.com - Ive been obsessed with reading these two blogs for a little while now.

Number 15- Whats in my makeup bag

So currently I'm staying at my parents to look after there pets whilst there away. So I had to pack my makeup bag to last me the week.

So first thing I just found a makeup bag stashed away in the cupboard. This makeup bag has that neutral patent and bright pink bow, very similar to ted baker, its by gatineau.

Some of these bits you may have seen in my Summer Faves such as my foundation, wipes and liquid lipstick. 

FACE
Maybelline Stay 24 Foundation
Collection Concealer (Trusty blogger fave)
Rimmel Stay Matte Powder - Transparent
Seventeen Miracle Matte Powder (for baking undereyes)
Revolution Highlighter - Peach Lights 
Freedom Contour Palette -Fair
Miss Sporty- Cream Blush in Peach

EYEBROWS
Maybelline Colour Tattoo - Permanent Taupe
MAC eyeshadow -Cozy Grey
MUA - Clear Mascara

EYES
MAC Palette in Cool
Maybelline Push up Mascara
Collection Liquid waterproof eyeliner
Wild about Beauty in Penny

LIPS
Maybelline Vivid Matte Liquid Lipstick - Nude Flush
Sleek Matte Me Liquid Lipstick - Birthday Suit

OTHER
Garnier Micellar Water Wipes
Lee Stafford- Tangle Brush
Illamasqua - Pink Raindrops
Random brands of brushes including Real Techniques

Whats in your makeup bag, Let me know, or tag me your blogs or pics on twitter. Follow me @katsinella.

TAKE CARE,
SIMPLYKATSINELLA

P.S How do you like the new look?

DISCLAIMER- ALL ITEMS WERE BROUGHT WITH MY OWN MONEY

Number 14- 10th October 2016 Mental Health Awareness Day

There's some kind of taboo that seems to live in most house in the UK. That something as serious as mental health seems to be disregarded and swept under the rug. But not today.

Many people fear mental health because of lack of understanding. I'll put my hands up to this. Until recently I didn't understand mental health issues until I became aware of it myself. I honestly didn't understand depression or anxiety that why I never dwelled on it, and seemed to push the conversation away from me. Yes it was wrong, but no I shouldn't be shamed for it. 

To an outsiders, things like depression or anxiety seems finicky, or irrelevant. It because you could look like your fine from the outside, but no one but yourself, knows how you feel inside. It takes alot to understand it yourself, than to admit it to your peers.

Personally, my epilepsy came with some anxiety, it affected my outlook on day to day life. I was afraid to leave the house in the fear that something may happen. Which then can go on to lead to depression.

I'm not gonna say what most people say. Get over it. It doesn't matter, You'll be fine.

In your darkest moments you wont feel fine, but writing about it or talking about it seems to make me feel a bit lighter. Maybe that will help you to, or put your time and energy into something you enjoy, painting, dance, walking. Master you art, then master you life.

Your Strong.

I know there are many mental illness's out there, but heres my outlook on a few. 

Be kind to others, they maybe having a bad day. 

Take Care,

SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Number 13- SummerFaves

My Summer faves! Lets quickly talk about the HEAT in this years Summer! Oh my word. We were very lucky. But now the leaves are all falling and the crisp cold mornings are upon us. (Thank god!)

1st up this summer was the 'sanctuary spa cooling body sorbet & cooling shower drench' oh my, these were both mine and Shauns faves! First off after a hot day at the beach or in the sun you'd come home have a shower with the cooling shower drench, this leaves a crisp cold feeling against you body even in the heat of a shower. Perfect for sun burns, hop out the shower, and use the sorbet! Its instantly cooling and effective. I applied this on before I went to sleep so I could cosy up under the duvet in the heat!

Maybelline super stay 24hr foundation is a MUST HAVE this stays on all day - like it says on the tin. But with out a cakey look with a dewy finish. For a matte finish pop some powder on and voila bobs your uncle. I would wear this foundation and on my lips wear the Maybelline vivid matte liquid lipstick in the pinky colour ( It doesnt have a name on it anymore - damn ) This liquid lipstick feels moussey and an absolute dream to apply.

L'oreal elive clay masque- this is for a pamper day/evening. Usually before we go out for the night or day. It takes 15 mins, you slap it onto your routes and it lifts out grease. I used to follow this with the shampoo and conditioner, but I use just a tressemme one to just give it some more umpf.

Garnier Micellar water wipes are new to my list... Quite honestly tescos were out of simple wipes so I grabbed these. These are lovely, they feel like nothing on the skin but easily wipe away the days makeup. I will defo get these again!

Paca Rabanne Olympia. This has been my scent for the past year and for my birthday this year I got the big bottle - lucky girl! I love this smell, and its become recognisable among friends now.

Finally my 'journal' This is from sainsbury's in the back to school collection, I love this. I write my thoughts and ideas in this journal, and it makes me feel better if I ever feel anxious.

I've popped links to where you can get your hands on them. 

Take Care,

SIMPLY KATSINELLA

Number 12- Sleek Matte Me Liquid Lipstick

oh my, 'Sleek Matte Me Liquid Lipstick' thats a mouthful and a half.

So I picked up these beauties when I mooching along in the crimbo section of boots. I know its october.. and I've brought myself a crimbo pressie already. BUT it was four mini liquid lipstick for £5.00 bargain!

So shade number one is 'old hollywood' which is a deep and dark berry shade perfect for autumn and winter. Personally I find this shade has some red under tones which is very complimentary for EVERY skin tone. This one is so pigmented and easy to apply. But my goodness. This doesn't come off with out a fight. 

Shade number two is 'Velvet slipper' again this is another deep shade from the pack of four, but has more brown undertones. So maybe you could class it as a dark nude colour, or simply 'badass' I'm a rocker chick shade. Again very creamy and pigmented. Take care applying this one. Any mistakes then you will have a tough time removing!

Shade number three SCREAMS OUT CHRISTMAS its a rich red colour. Which may I add will go perfectly with my crimbo jumper which is currently stashed away atm- side note, when will it become acceptable to wear crimbo jumpers again!? Its called 'Rioja Red', and looks absolutely beautiful on the lips. Maybe use lipliner with this one for a wow factor.

Shade number four is my fave. Its called 'birthday suit' and its the perfect browny nude shade that I've been looking for. The only thing I find I do have to exfoliate with this one and use a lipbalm so it goes on smoothly and doesnt go crumbly. which is a little let down. But by all means this colour is B.E.A.UTIFUL. 

These usually full size retail at £4.99 Each and you can get them from your nearest boots or superdrug. Or online at http://www.sleekmakeup.com/uk 

Happy Shopping,
Take care,
SIMPLY KATSINELLA

Number 11- Dealing with Stress

Okay, so we all deal with stress in our day to day lives. But I live in a situation where tooooo much stress can affect my epilepsy. So naturally I'm a stressed out person. (work that one out!?)

Money
Every. Single. Person. Stresses about money, it comes hand in hand skipping down the road with stress. There's not much you can do about money but working out , budgeting and putting aside some pennies may be the trick. Assess how much you need this month; i.e bills, rent, car and so on. Leave some money for yourself too, treat your self. Maybe you saw a new lipstick come out , or you cant walk past lush without a bath bomb. Do IT! don't go cray but enjoy your life. Save up and you have a bigger reward maybe a holiday, or a new bed?

Work
Don't let work over take you life. Me and Shaun have a time limit at home to talk about work. We save 30 mins to rant about our day , then that's it. Home is home, work is work. If your not happy where you work then look for somewhere else. Do something you enjoy!

Friends
Friends are a difficult subject because sometimes your friends can be the main cause of your stress.. Take out the negative influences in your life. Keep and cherish those who bring a positive outlook and encourage you to strive and achieve. But also don't mind sitting in your jammies eating your weight in Chinese.

Talk
Talk to someone about what you feel stressed or anxious about. Maybe your parents, sibling, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, hubby, wife or even your doctor. Stress isn't good for you so talking will help you feel a bit better.

Life's to short to worry about mundane things- I know , I know, I'm a MASSIVE hypocrite.

Take Care
SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Found online- @lifehackquotes

Number 10 - Dealing with epilepsy

I'm not going to lie epilepsy sucks balls. I hate everything about it ; the lack of control, seizures, uncertainty and misunderstanding from your peers.

Its not considered as a MAJOR disability but too some of us it can be. Personally I find that there isn't enough education and information on the subject. 'Oh so your epileptic? Do you do that weird seizure thing, y'know, on the floor' No I don't. 'Oh well' But my epilepsy affects me differently. I have partial complex seizure and sometimes focal and so on. I zone out , lose focus. Sometimes I cant control my body so I collapse. I sometimes scream in my sleep. I may forget where I am, who I'm with and what I'm doing.

My epilepsy is caused by stress and lack of sleep. I hear 'try not to stress out' EVERYDAY but its not easy. With epilepsy it can come hand in hand with anxiety and depression. I may not want to leave the house some days.

But guess what..

Epilepsy doesn't define me. I'm strong. We all have a dodgy five mins. Mine may take a day to recover. But then it's a new day. I put my chin up, lashes on, wash my hair and take the day.

Take Care,
SIMPLY KATSINELLA

Not my image- found on tumblr