Brighton, Shopping and over coming fears| SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Last weekend I faced my fears. Brighton. The city itself isn't one of my fears its the crowds and panic that I experience.

Brighton is busy, full of workers, shoppers, students. That's our kryptonite for us who suffer from anxiety. I braved the hussle and bussle and stayed at my own pace. We wandered around the shops, picking a few things from KIKO, TIGER and more.

The vibe around Brighton is a busy city in a seaside town, bringing all kinds of people from around the world.
Usually I would avoid places like this like the plague.
But I was fine, I wasn't rushed and I feel accomplished overcoming a fear and actually had a lovely day out and discovered the beauty of Brighton.
What I've learnt is to say yes to things more and what's the worse that could happen?


SIDE NOTE: They have a freaking homesense in the town centre!!! *bootie wiggle*

I have a KIKO review coming soon, so keep an eye out for that.

....and breath |SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Chill out. Don't get stressed. Smile.

Have you heard those phrases and rolled your eyes...

I have. When you suffer from depression any one of those phrases make you want to pull your eyeballs out and scream. 

My depression came when I had my first miscarriage. I say first because if you read my previous post of miscarriage you know they happen. You can't guarentee when but it will happen.

I cried and accepted and moved on. 

But the thing is I thought I moved on, my body, my life and everything moved on without me. 

I started getting irritable. I started to get sad. I never used that word until then but I would keep saying I just feel sad. Not upset, I feel the word upset made it seem it was temporary. Sad meant I felt it all the time.

It wasn't until a cry for help happened in my life. I'm not ready to explain what happened but I needed help. I was shocked to find that help was so easy to find if I knew where I was looking. 

Help came in the shape of doctors, friends, family and fresh air.

Fresh air became so important because when you feel depressed you don't sleep and when you sleep you don't want to wake up.

Fresh air meant I felt free and the only time I didn't feel numb. 

I'm still recovering, so I'm not going to tell you how to get better or say it goes. 

But I'm here to just say it will be OK and enjoy the little things.



TAKE CARE,
SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Miscarriage| SIMPLY KATSINELLA

MISCARRIAGE.

It’s such a scary word…

It’s the taboo word of newly pregnant mummies who think even saying it out loud will jinx they’re little bundle of joy who is all snuggled away and working hard in the womb.

But it happens, “Miscarriages are much more common than most people realise. Among women who know they're pregnant, it's estimated one in six of these pregnancies will end in miscarriage”.How scary is that, one in six - in theory it’s almost a normal thing, an everyday thing if you will.

I wouldn't describe it as an everyday thing.

I would describe it as life changing, heart breaking and an emotional challenge.

I remember sitting in bed crying to my partner ‘ How can something so small, bring everyone so much joy and so much pain into this world’

One in six - in theory it’s almost a normal thing, an everyday thing if you will.

I wouldn’t describe it as an everyday thing.

I would describe it as a huge cloud above you that only yourself can see. You have to go about the world pretending this cloud doesn’t exist but in fact it’s raining. Hard, relentless and at the time no sign of stopping. Not for anyone.

There needs to be more awareness and more empathy towards those who have suffered a loss. Not a miscarriage. It’s a loss.

More sympathy towards those who struggle conceiving, for those who have fertility issues, for those who just can not have children.

But also don’t forget to celebrate those who can carry those little bundles of happiness into the world.

You never know who , when or where this may have happened. But please be aware of who, when and where you are when you comment on something so common and heart breaking as miscarriage.

TAKE CARE,

SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Number 19 - ONE STEP BACK , TWO STEPS FORWARD

So I didn't know what to call this one. I just wanted to write down what I'm going through and call it day. But guess what I can't just call it a day- but I can most definitely reflect on this week.

Hands down my week hasn't been great, but I also feel like I've taken a step forward right direction.

Limits
This week has taught me my limits but also to try and test them. Its taught me the reason why I need to look after myself and not let everything plummet around me. Its taught me to say NO I can't let this happen- which for a stubborn young lady is a MASSIVE STEP. My anxiety has run me around in circles this week. Baring in mind I had my worse seizure Monday at work, got into work on Tuesday but felt no better.. but I tried. I got ready and I tried.

Boyfriend
He's is honestly my rock whether I'm sitting up in bed laughing with him, or laying on the bathroom floor crying. He just helps. He's up in the middle of the night with me if I have a seizure to convince me everythings ok. That's what I need. He's what I need.

Support of Friends and Family
This week has also taught me the strength that my friends and family give me. I received a lovely text message from one of my best friends which put a smile on my face. I'm not one to spill my feelings , I'd rather listen and help others. But shes proud of me. I love her for that.My other best friend is one message away and reassures any doubts that may come. My family well there brilliant anyway. Mums there to help me be strong and my Dads there for that reassuring hug to let me know I'll be OK. He's not one with words. But I knew that's what the hug meant. Shaun's family are great as well, checking up on me. I feel the strength that they all give me everyday. That's what helps me get up off the floor. 

Admitting when I need help
This is a big one for me, I struggle asking for help. Or asking to just let my feelings out. I just need to be the strong one. But sometimes admitting that I'm not strong and I need the help is all I can do. I usually feel the doctors are a waste of time, but I had to go. I needed help. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Now.. I know what to call this post. ONE STEP BACK TWO STEPS FORWARD.

I just hope that this post may help someone , or relate to someone in similar circumstance.

Your strong, I'm Strong.

TAKE CARES,
SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Number 18 - It happened... again

Usually with my epilepsy I like to keep it in and not talk about it. But I suppose this may be a weight lifted off my shoulders.

So in 2014 I was diagnosed with Partial Epileptic Seizures. The type of seizures you zone out of everyday life, or most of the time have little seizures in my sleep. 

I originally went into the doctors with a suspected heart murmur. I was experiencing the feeling of my heart feeling like it was going to fast or gonna jump out of my chest. I had a doctors appointment, which I very nearly missed. One moment it was 3:30 next moment it was 4:30 and I didn't know where the time had gone. 

I had a specialist come specifically to the doctors to meet me so I'm lucky because I was so late he was able to see me. I phoned my mum in a panic as she was already at the doctors waiting.

At the time it seemed as if I had a panic attack- I never ever had one of them. 

We were all just talking and mum was explaining the doctor about times that I used to zone out , or I smelt burning, or my night terrors when I was younger.

I was then referred to a neurologist. After EEG's and MRI's I was diagnosed. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt finding out. I was learning to drive at the time , I also felt alone. I tried different medications and was told and Stress may be the cause of it all. 

Fast forward 2 years and I was having ups and downs. Some weeks/months I was skipping round fine, some days I found my self on the floor in the toilets at work after 'zoning out'.

I reduced days at work, and gave up college. But recently it flared up  again... (is that the right word)

I now have experienced full body seizures, where my body gives way and I fall the the ground and apparently convulse. I wake up confused. So I'm now waiting for a urgent neurologist appointment.

I feel epilepsy is such a closeted thing. I found I had no one to talk to about it at my age group. So hopefully writing this will give young adults a place they can come to relate to. No I'm not a QUEEN of bossing my seizures at the moment. But I am experiencing them. I'm fighting. 

So here's to keep you updated on my situation and I will write more posts about my journey in the future.

Keep Slaying,
Take Care,
SIMPLYKATSINELLA

Number 14- 10th October 2016 Mental Health Awareness Day

There's some kind of taboo that seems to live in most house in the UK. That something as serious as mental health seems to be disregarded and swept under the rug. But not today.

Many people fear mental health because of lack of understanding. I'll put my hands up to this. Until recently I didn't understand mental health issues until I became aware of it myself. I honestly didn't understand depression or anxiety that why I never dwelled on it, and seemed to push the conversation away from me. Yes it was wrong, but no I shouldn't be shamed for it. 

To an outsiders, things like depression or anxiety seems finicky, or irrelevant. It because you could look like your fine from the outside, but no one but yourself, knows how you feel inside. It takes alot to understand it yourself, than to admit it to your peers.

Personally, my epilepsy came with some anxiety, it affected my outlook on day to day life. I was afraid to leave the house in the fear that something may happen. Which then can go on to lead to depression.

I'm not gonna say what most people say. Get over it. It doesn't matter, You'll be fine.

In your darkest moments you wont feel fine, but writing about it or talking about it seems to make me feel a bit lighter. Maybe that will help you to, or put your time and energy into something you enjoy, painting, dance, walking. Master you art, then master you life.

Your Strong.

I know there are many mental illness's out there, but heres my outlook on a few. 

Be kind to others, they maybe having a bad day. 

Take Care,

SIMPLYKATSINELLA